On the girl's bathroom door?

Thanks Mines for forgetting that girls actually exist.

I didn't know I had semen in me. Hmmm. These breasts are for fancy!

WIN!

OMG; I'm on a Pro Ana site.

Okay. WEIRD!

All I wanted to do was find a site that had a picture of Federline Jones; a character from the retarded incest cousin of Family Guy, The Cleveland Show. (I wanted to show the pic to Skyler so he'd understand what I refer to anytime I see Jamie Motherfucking Dale.) Then I saw a site about Hayden Panettierre's new hips, which I do not think are fab on her. Yes, I am not hot but I don't wear a bikini for a reason.

I tried looking up a site to find out, if she had gotten depressed like K-Fed. Not gonna lie, I used to be her fan until I heard her sing. Yeah ... she should ... Yeah. And next thing I know, I'm on a Pro Ana site. They even have Starving Tip Of The Day!

I think Dakota Fanning is looking fab in this picture =>

But apparently, they think she needs to lose more weight.

I am fascinated to find that there are girls who consider themselves so un-beautiful (note I didn't say ugly) that they decide to strive to fade out of existence. I will confess that there have been times where I have been slightly anorexic and tried to avoid eating but I have come to see myself for the person I can be.

I am not there but I am still myself and a full rounded beauty. I do not understand why Americans push the idea of perfection so much when they have such obese people here. Um, hello, LEARN TO BE HEALTHY! Then again, to each his own definition of beauty.

To Life and Health and Beauty.

Shugo Chara

I was reading this Manga called Shugo Chara. It got me to think of my would-be self. I want to be more glamorous and lovable and friendly. However, I do like myself and my outer character. But it would be nice to have friends to depend on when things go wrong. Lisa is kinda like my Nagihiko. She is there when I need here and amusing the rest of the time. It kills me that I can't solve all her problems and make them go away. Sometimes, she is a Yaya but she always keeps living her life. I am not an Amu-Chan. I am not the main character of this story but I feel as though, if I try, I can be that person I want to be.

Brian won't talk to me and I can't blame him. He's kinda like the Prince character in Shugo Chara. Good as a love interest but not eternal. My Ikuto is waiting for me somewhere and I may never find him but I will enjoy the journey. I just wish I could have a happy ending. But I am lucky. My ending is not going to mediocre regardless of the angle that it takes.

I feel horrid for snapping at Anh but I like my solitude and she needs to understand that when I keep quiet, I do it for a reason. Being friends doesn't mean knowing each other's history. I should go to Ramith's get together. I should be fun and I will forget about my lack of a social life but at the same time, I will remember that I'm alone.

"I own not a notion. I escape an ape content. I don't own emotion- I rent."

I love Rent and Glee.

I normally cry when I'm alone. But I refuse to be the ugly person I see when I do that. I promise to strive to find and follow my Heart's Egg and discover my Alice. That, and I should stay away from the Sex God and dating.

Akonfused Gal.

Don't Rain On My Parade!

I am a horrible person to be in a relationship with. I get clingy, I get moody, I complain a lot and ... I am just an extremist. And every time I talk to Brian, I feel the urge to put him out of his misery and set him free. He got me jewelry for Christmas; why he did that, I have no fucking clue. However, I saw it and my heart broke. I want to be balls deep in love and forget about the whole inevitable "break-up" looming over my head. I want to listen to him and laugh at his jokes and tell him my hopes and dreams. I want to listen for the shaking of his voice, hold him when he is overwhelmed and be more than sexual release. But who am I kidding, once I do that, I might as well kiss him goodbye and help him pick a new girlfriend.
He's going to be drunk with his friends tonight and I don't even mind. I'm silly.

And even though the end of this break brings my boyfriend back to me and brings back most of my friends and a means to keep busy; I wish it didn't have to end. I'm going to miss spending so much time with Lisa.

A part of me wants to be that wholesome girl while another part of me wants to be a Maneater; tearing up the scene, spinning heads and crushing hearts. Oh well, I will just have to face this new year as is.

So much for my Ugly Duckling/ Swan transformation.

Akonfused Gal

How do I breathe?

Would it kill him to say that he loves me? I mean, he has to, right? He already said it twice. I think it's the whole PMS thing but it really ... I just hate that it takes so much for him to tell me how he feels.

I be Mumu, you are Gullible; na so we go make mugu!

Shorty don enter igbese! As in, who begged me O! My sister invited me to lovely SA for Christmas but me with my big mouth, I said no. Everyone is now jamming their homes and I am stuck in school. I mean, it could be worse. I could be stuck in PH. Heaven forbid I go through that! That NEPA governed dulling center. We all know, once you are used to 24/7 power, Naija is iffy to you too. I no go lie; I miss my mother's food. I just miss correct eba and soup. I won't even form. I will just use my hands and then lick the bowl! It's my own fault O! I should have hustled to jam Georgia; but Spring Break still dey! Unless Temi, Lisa and I jam Las Vegas!

But that's not the only shiznit. Girls, you know that whenever you let a boy go drinking with his friends without you, fear dey always catch you. Especially when you already planned for a night with just both of you. Some fake attempt at romance. But no be that part wey dey vex person. I am kinda scared about the faithfulness thing or that he will meet his Ms Right. Not that I don't want him to meet her but can they chill with the eternal romance. I'm his Ms Right Now. I no dey props myself. I know sey I wo-wo but abeg jo, he's the mugu that wanted a relationship. Nobody force am, abi na lie wey I dey yan? I guess I am a bit insecure but I blame it on the stupidity of men. It's like, I want to believe that they would be faithful but when you have gotten guys to question their current relationships, you know that anything fit happen. Plus, sex is a hell of a drug. Nuff Said.

And now, when I look back on the year, I wonder if this is what I saw. Me alone at Christmas and still hating half the world? I'm less screwed up. I've gained love, rejected love, overdone love, lost love and discovered my insanity. All together, I'd say it was a good year.

I find it weird that as I wrote that paragraph, I though of "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret and Glee. Freaky.

No long ting!

Akonfused Gal.

KY, the new person I like.

So, somehow I am dating someone once more. It gets better. I am dating my ex's roommate. I know ... the same thoughts went through my head. "They are bloody roommates." But when push comes to shove, I like being with him and although at first I was quite hesitant, I've come to terms with him (I still hate holding hands. It gets so awkward). I am trying to not repeat any of my past relationship mistakes. I am not gonna be clingy and I am going to have a life besides my relationship but if Anh tells me one more time how Tony said our relationship failed, I will kill her. I do know why, stop beating a dead horse and using that superior tone. I love that kid but she kills me sometimes.

So, I have no idea what day when we started dating or sappy stuff like that. I hope he remembers. I have no idea how long this will last but I am cool with that. Oh, and I enjoy the randomness of friendships that now surround me. I enjoy having friends that I still can not bring to hang with.

But I am learning.

I am happy.

No long ting.

Akonfused Kokolette.