Shugo Chara

I was reading this Manga called Shugo Chara. It got me to think of my would-be self. I want to be more glamorous and lovable and friendly. However, I do like myself and my outer character. But it would be nice to have friends to depend on when things go wrong. Lisa is kinda like my Nagihiko. She is there when I need here and amusing the rest of the time. It kills me that I can't solve all her problems and make them go away. Sometimes, she is a Yaya but she always keeps living her life. I am not an Amu-Chan. I am not the main character of this story but I feel as though, if I try, I can be that person I want to be.

Brian won't talk to me and I can't blame him. He's kinda like the Prince character in Shugo Chara. Good as a love interest but not eternal. My Ikuto is waiting for me somewhere and I may never find him but I will enjoy the journey. I just wish I could have a happy ending. But I am lucky. My ending is not going to mediocre regardless of the angle that it takes.

I feel horrid for snapping at Anh but I like my solitude and she needs to understand that when I keep quiet, I do it for a reason. Being friends doesn't mean knowing each other's history. I should go to Ramith's get together. I should be fun and I will forget about my lack of a social life but at the same time, I will remember that I'm alone.

"I own not a notion. I escape an ape content. I don't own emotion- I rent."

I love Rent and Glee.

I normally cry when I'm alone. But I refuse to be the ugly person I see when I do that. I promise to strive to find and follow my Heart's Egg and discover my Alice. That, and I should stay away from the Sex God and dating.

Akonfused Gal.

Don't Rain On My Parade!

I am a horrible person to be in a relationship with. I get clingy, I get moody, I complain a lot and ... I am just an extremist. And every time I talk to Brian, I feel the urge to put him out of his misery and set him free. He got me jewelry for Christmas; why he did that, I have no fucking clue. However, I saw it and my heart broke. I want to be balls deep in love and forget about the whole inevitable "break-up" looming over my head. I want to listen to him and laugh at his jokes and tell him my hopes and dreams. I want to listen for the shaking of his voice, hold him when he is overwhelmed and be more than sexual release. But who am I kidding, once I do that, I might as well kiss him goodbye and help him pick a new girlfriend.
He's going to be drunk with his friends tonight and I don't even mind. I'm silly.

And even though the end of this break brings my boyfriend back to me and brings back most of my friends and a means to keep busy; I wish it didn't have to end. I'm going to miss spending so much time with Lisa.

A part of me wants to be that wholesome girl while another part of me wants to be a Maneater; tearing up the scene, spinning heads and crushing hearts. Oh well, I will just have to face this new year as is.

So much for my Ugly Duckling/ Swan transformation.

Akonfused Gal