I be Mumu, you are Gullible; na so we go make mugu!

Shorty don enter igbese! As in, who begged me O! My sister invited me to lovely SA for Christmas but me with my big mouth, I said no. Everyone is now jamming their homes and I am stuck in school. I mean, it could be worse. I could be stuck in PH. Heaven forbid I go through that! That NEPA governed dulling center. We all know, once you are used to 24/7 power, Naija is iffy to you too. I no go lie; I miss my mother's food. I just miss correct eba and soup. I won't even form. I will just use my hands and then lick the bowl! It's my own fault O! I should have hustled to jam Georgia; but Spring Break still dey! Unless Temi, Lisa and I jam Las Vegas!

But that's not the only shiznit. Girls, you know that whenever you let a boy go drinking with his friends without you, fear dey always catch you. Especially when you already planned for a night with just both of you. Some fake attempt at romance. But no be that part wey dey vex person. I am kinda scared about the faithfulness thing or that he will meet his Ms Right. Not that I don't want him to meet her but can they chill with the eternal romance. I'm his Ms Right Now. I no dey props myself. I know sey I wo-wo but abeg jo, he's the mugu that wanted a relationship. Nobody force am, abi na lie wey I dey yan? I guess I am a bit insecure but I blame it on the stupidity of men. It's like, I want to believe that they would be faithful but when you have gotten guys to question their current relationships, you know that anything fit happen. Plus, sex is a hell of a drug. Nuff Said.

And now, when I look back on the year, I wonder if this is what I saw. Me alone at Christmas and still hating half the world? I'm less screwed up. I've gained love, rejected love, overdone love, lost love and discovered my insanity. All together, I'd say it was a good year.

I find it weird that as I wrote that paragraph, I though of "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret and Glee. Freaky.

No long ting!

Akonfused Gal.

Castration

Wouldn't the world be a better place if men were castrated on whims or better yet, once they hit puberty?

So I have been angry for the past couple of days because my beau has taken it upon himself to beat all my high scores. This may mean nothing to you but to me, the time I have wasted in attaining that skill is sacred and precious to me and to have someone destroy my treasured trivialities is cruel and unforgivable. I, of course, did the most logical thing; I threatened cut off his balls.

At first I meant this as a joke but could the world really be worse off if men where denied the right to sow their seeds wherever they so pleased. Imagine a world with out teenage pregnancies and more children than one's means. Imagine a world without over population where resources are in surplus and tell me, is my dream really so bad?

I, as a teenage, have been confronted with temptation so many times and I am not ashamed to admit that the thoughts, or rather, fear of a well rounded belly has kept this temptation in check but if there was no fear of a pregnancy ... then ... I see a very promiscuous world about to arise but can it be worse than other problems we face?

As soon as puberty takes place, just store some sperm and have a vasectomy. I can reassure you that with the hormone injections, you'll feel just fine. Sure, you are going to encounter a little depression but isn't a better world worth it? Besides, we are already depressed as it is and if it should get worse, we can always cut ourselves while listening to Simple Plan wailing in the background singing, "I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare, I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair".

I can see it now, a world filled with depressed but few children. Eventually, parents will be able to choose the perfect child before implantation. We will have a perfect world with a side dish of depressed but it will be F-A-B Fabulous. Wouldn't it be?

I am so excited, however, the other option is always a condom or birth control or abstinence but hey, what do I know. After all, all I want to do is cut off my boyfriend's balls for beating my high score. :)

I'm all for Procreation

JK

Akonfused Gal

Laziness na disease

Okay, we all have to admit that summer can be pretty interesting but the most interesting things that happen are done in boredom.

Okay, like I always bitch about (Yes hon, it's all about me), Rapid City is a boring place. But I have been eyeballing my neighbours. Now, I know the 9th commandment or so is that "thou shalt not covet their neighbour's property". Well, this aint like that.

• #1, they are super cute
• #2, they are always partying
• #3, they skateboard
• #4, refer to #1
• #5, they live right next door.

In a moment of bravado, my roommates and I went to go introduce ourselves. O boy, I just dey shake but they were pretty cool dudes. So last night, Eytan and I went over. This was kinda fun and totally crazy. One of them, his name's Gary, looked high as fuck but I'm like "na the guy wahala, no one beg him make e smoke igbo". SO, we are like having fun and it's all cool. They tried to teach me how to skateboard and I acted like a totally dumb broad. I miss doing that. The conversation was pretty light and we are invited in for beer pong but I only drink the hard stuff and that is socially. Plus, I don't know these people, na so person go roofie me and I will just turn into a sad Naija movie character (Remember Genevieve movies?). But that was last night.

Tonight, we hung out with this dude called John who has like a mega crush on Eytan. It was sorta weird because he kept doing all those things girls do when they are crushing bad on a guy (You know, the always addressing questions to the guy and the soft voice and making plans for the future and trying to look resourceful and talking about things he likes. Shut up, you know that we all did this at one time or the other). But Eytan was pretty cool about it, Eytan's a pretty cool dude and for some reason, everyone wants in his pants (Guys and girls and even teachers [Yes, teachers are sexless]). Tomorrow, we hang out with John some more.

When we were at Mt. Rushmore, Eytan kept telling everyone to high-five him. One guy, who looks like the bastard child of Justin Timberlake and Tyler Paul, was so pissed. Another set of people were just looking. And this little girl, poor thing, I bet she thought he was a pedophile.He's a hilarious guy. We actually got lost and made tons of noise and cranked up the music. I swear, sometimes I sound like I'm on drugs. I want to go to the frat that John lives in and party with those guys but I wanna go with Tony because I rather he take advantage of me than some snotty bro. It was just fun, plus I was comfortable with how I looked.

The fourth of July has no influence on me. But there will be some pretty cool fireworks and whatever. My next blog will be about some weirdos I go to school with.

What What, In the Butt

Akonfused Gal